#Saying i should go fuck my self

[necrotic-nephilim]

what's fun about shipping Tim with Dick, Jason, or Damian is he has, at some point, hallucinated all of them to comfort himself. even when he doesn't like them or particularly get along with them, he has to imagine/hallucinate them just so he has the power to go on. Tim's concepts of the Robin mantle and what it should be is so fun, because he respects the others through the Robin mantle. Tim worships Dick because he was the first Robin. he wouldn't be Robin if Jason hadn't died in the mantle. and a lot of his frustration with Damian is he feels Damian isn't honoring the mantle correctly. when you ship Tim with the other Robins you can't divorce their identities as Robin from it because Tim will always see them as a Robin first and that's so fun and fucked up. like.

batman (1940) #456

Tim perceiving Dick as *Robin* cheering him on, not Nightwing, which is the version of Dick that Tim actually knows? that's just. wild of him. he will always view Dick as Robin first, his personal hero but also the original of the legacy. his love for Dick is shaped by that.

and then of course, even when he's hallucinating/imagining Jason cheering him on, it's *still* through the lense of being reminded how Jason failed? subconsciously believing that Jason got himself killed because of his actions, and that being a lesson for Tim to learn from? Jason isn't a person to Tim, he's a moral lesson about how to be Robin. any potential idolization he could have of Jason isn't because he loves Jason, it's because of the lessons Jason's death taught him.

and then, even though him hallucinating TIm is from the New-52, which makes characterization all kinds of questionable, i do think it makes sense for TIm to hallucinate/imagine Damian after Damian's death in an attempt to cope with it.

teen titans (2011) #18

to an extend, he sees Damian's death as in part his own fault. and even hating Damian, Tim needs the comfort from this to cope with Damian being gone. he's angry that Damian even was Robin, and has to learn something from Damian's death and how it impacts the Robin mantle, and teenage heroes as a whole. like, Tim can pretend he hates Damian all he wants, even getting taunted by the image of Damian, but there's still an underlying love to their relationship.

i think that's just the fun of shipping Tim with any of them. you will never divorce Tim's views of them from the Robin mantle and how fucking Unwell he is about anyone else who's been Robin before or after him, to the point he has to hallucinate them comforting him when he's at his lowest. it's always going to be a little unhealthy, a little toxic, and driven by Tim's relationship with being Robin as well. i need more Tim being weird about Robin in these ships.

[meyerlansky]

it's an ongoing thing that i probably won't dig too much into in anything textually, maybe in cruiseverse and even less likely but still maybe in summertime, but i do have thinkythoughts about how curt and bucky handle being queer in the framework of their catholicism

gale not on the discussion board here because, while he has angst about his queerness and especially what it means wrt his [and others'] masculinity, it is in no way religious and i maintain he is three bad days away from open atheism despite the HUGE social stigma against it at the time. abused kids tend not to be much for religion anyway.

like i acknowledge how i handle curt is slightly anachronistic [though i can cite contemporary examples, don't come at me about it] in that i don't think he's ashamed of ANYTHING. careful, yes, aware it could get him hurt, yes. but he doesn't have a lot of internalized homophobia weighing him down by '43, thanks to growing up in an active queer hub in the 20s/30s AND my decision to make his family, mostly his mom, similarly slightly-anachronistically accepting—see the stuff in this post about mothers in midcentury america accepting their queer sons and encouraging other mothers to do the same. and i think that "toughened by adversity" is particularly relevant in delphia's case because on top of raising a fairly large family through the great depression, she lost an infant daughter AND her husband when all her kids were under ten years old. she did suffer the public humiliations of the depression in sending her sons to live with relatives to ease the burden of SAID fairly large, half-orphaned family. so she doesn't CARE if curt's gay, all that matters to her is that curt is—and all her kids are—alive and healthy and happy. [plus, in "practical" terms, curt has a brother, so if he's not gonna have kids rusty's around to do it, which is a safety net the other guys do not have.]

bucky, on the other hand, is 93% shame at all times. about everything. he covers it with being loud and brash and seeming unrepentant but. c'mon. look at him. he's got catholic guilt dripping off him. he does NOT have supportive family to lean back on and to insulate him from the general antipathy towards queerness in midcentury america—he doesn't even get letters from his mom or sisters in the stalag in canon. plus he has the added angst of like... he's bi, not gay, so he likes women like he's supposed to, does that not make his attraction to men something he just has to Resist, because that's what the devil does, puts shit in your path that you have to avoid to stay good or whatever. if he was exclusively attracted to men—like curt—it might bother him less because he wouldn't have a "choice." so he's got both internalized queerphobia in general and SPECIFICALLY internalized biphobia working against him.

[the other issue i have with thinking about this stuff is i was not raised catholic or even a little bit religious at all, so i don't have a firsthand perspective on rationalizing queerness with faith. i am just WINGING IT HERE.]

but, anyway, i feel like bucky's isolation from semi-normalized queerness just compounds the issue for his whole adolescence/early adulthood, and he lumps being attracted to men in with his other rule-breaking behaviors. he drinks, he gambles, he lusts, it's all getting him sent to hell anyway, so he acts like it doesn't bother him. but i think it DOES bother him, deep down. and i also think that being faced with curt/people like curt, who DON'T see their queerness as an obstacle to keeping their faith, who don't experience the guilt and shame over that as a fundamental aspect of who they are, is... tough for him? and this is why i don't think it'll come up textually in anything except cruiseverse, if that: bucky is not a talk-shit-out kind of guy, and quite frankly neither is curt. but i can't imagine that bucky at some point isn't like "...don't you struggle with it?" and curt's like "nah, if He wanted me to be different i'd be different."

and bucky just kinda has to chew on that for a bit. and this is where i think the gay vs bi tension comes in, because curt CAN be like "i tried to be straight, it didn't work, so god must not want me to be," whereas bucky COULD choose to be in a het-passing relationship, so does that make him worse??? and that's when curt stops trying that tack because it's doing more harm than good, which leads to it turning into "but HOW does it not bother you?" "it only bothers you 'cause you're letting it." cue another blue-screen for a week.

they can't even extrapolate out the concept of receiving unconditional love as one of god's children the way you do from your actual parents or whatever. because no one in bucky's life loves him unconditionally. why the hell would god?

[immunetoneurotoxin]

“Not a soul assigned to their case at the Bureau could make sense of their existence. There wasn’t a single scientist, parapsychologist, doctor, or specialist with over a dozen PHD’s under the sun that could figure them out. Pyrokinesis in a human? They defy every law of nature, yet they exist amongst humanity regardless. How do you explain that?” “The truth is that there are a lot of unknown things out there in the world that mankind hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of. Everyone flocked to this case trying to find rational answers, but there aren’t any. Look at the files in your hands. By the eyes of science, Pyro should not exist. Don’t you know what happens to things mankind doesn’t understand? The Bureau has done sickening things to them in the name of research.” “That’s why I helped them escape, Conagher.”

Excerpt from the novel INCENDIARY; A TF2 Pyro origin story Read the latest chapter of 'Incendiary' on AO3 here! Artwork created by the incredible @narklos ♡ 

[milk-ducts]

I'm so glad to have encountered a fellow Cecil stan. I freaking love coming up with headcanons for Cecil, platonic or romantic, because he's such an interesting character. For real though feel free to dump any Cecil headcanons (platonic or romantic) on me anytime.

AWAAAA!! YES HAII OTHER CECIL AFICIONADO !!! im so glad theres more of us sprouting out here. my wife is so underappreciated, you have no idea how much he means to me. i'd love to req n swap headcanons anytime !! I have so many thoughts on that morally ambiguous gilf.

[messy, disorganized surface level autism rambling ahead. this will be just random scenes and characteristics i like of him]

BUT YES .. cecil's character is just so interesting to analyze. he does unethical, necessary things. But he doesn't subscribe to idealistic notions of "the greater good" or justifying his actions to make himself sleep better at night. He knows the harsh reality that someone has to make the difficult decisions, no matter how unethical. The psychological toll it takes to calculate how many civilian lives can be spared, and how many are inevitably lost in order to achieve the optimal outcome. He doesn't celebrate after victories like the other heroes do. After the dust settles, his mind is already racing - calculating, strategizing how to prevent future catastrophes. How to minimize casualties next time.

his methods are...questionable,, as ive said,, but there's a hint of nobility to it that just makes you respect him, A SHADY GOVERNMENT CHAR that does the dirty work and takes in all the heat for it so no one else has to? SIGN ME TF UP! i love exploring his character and all the little glimpses of humanity we get to see from him,, especially with debbie, SO SOFT FOR HER, there's so much depth there. that old fuck would MOVE mountains for her if he could,, TRUST. EVEN though he doesnt deserve her .. <<

LETS CONTINUE TO CIRCLE BACK TO S1 with his confrontation w Nolan in the desert, the way he entrusted his survival to the skills of his team operating that teleporter watch (I'm aware he can control it himself, I think this was just my interpretation of it since the employees seemed directly involved here). The margin for error was nonexistent. One miscalculation, one millisecond too slow, and Cecil would have been reduced to a red smear across miles of sand. MY WIFE HAS BALLS ON HIM. (also love walton goggins breathy lil giggles here .. hwaghffhh)

All this, All the whilst Nolan could have ended him with a casual backhand, as easily as swatting a fly. And for what? For humanity's (mostly his) right to know the truth. For Debbie's right to understand what she had truly married because Cecil respects her that fucking much for her to have a part in all of this, and what fate may lay in store for her son.

AND what I particularly liked about that scene is that unlike most SHADY GOV CHARS ™.. Cecil isn't afraid to regularly place himself in life-threatening situations, and for that im just.. FKING obsessed. finally. a hyper competent gov char that gets shit done and occasionally by his own hands instead of always puppeteering in the shadows. Love u .. love u honey snooch, please stop putting yourself in danger for your crazy alien side-hoes .

but ahem ... back to s2.. and some flaws of his that i'm not afraid to point out. the way he's been treating mark is killing me. manipulating my son by comparing him to his dad then keeping him on lock by saying he's not like him??? The breadcrumming definitely didn't work out at all, cuz Mark is too damn stubborn to continue to be swindled by fear tactics he does not give a shit for anymore (homegirl DEBBIE taught him better) hes not gonna listen to a cranky skullet-having side bitch of nolans who clearly has been tryna manipulate him since s1. i HATED how he went "ur broke tyrannical bitch father felt the same way" in the last minute when mark tried to leave earth and yet i still lobve ceci cause ough,,.. my bastard wife knew something was probably up.

Him wanting to keep a short leash on MARKY could be summed up after all that has happened in s1. i'm not going to justify his scummy manipulations or paranoia,, especially after all the shit mark has done and endured to prove himself over and over again that he's not like his father BUT its somewhat understandable for cecil 2 be wary if you look from it in his perspective.

moving on from that, lets dive back into ep 2 ..

Debbie was semi-right in her deduction in s2 ep2, that this is what it's really all about for Cecil - being in control. Not of any situation, but of Mark. To ensure history does not repeat itself in the form of Mark becoming another Nolan. imo He likely doesn’t actually view Mark as his father, Not saying the possibility of it being a part of Cecil's subconsciousness is out of the equation but the way I see it? He was just exploiting that one weakness, that one insecurity Mark has - the fear of becoming like Nolan. And it’s a fear Cecil seemed to prey upon to keep Mark under his thumb and in the fucking GAME.

awaaaa :3 !!!! psychologically damaging teens by comparing them to their abhorrently shitty fathers !! FUCK YOJ STEDMAN (love you snookums..)

,,,,I'd also like to think in my warped deluded perception (aka hcs) that he sees Debbie in Mark, so he can't help but care for the kid too. IVE ALWAYS seen a lot of comparisons between Mark and his dad, plus the whole motif of this new season hasn't helped it allay. But Debbie and Mark share so many similar characteristics as well and i wish that was talked a bit more often &lt; 3 (I will go in depth about it at a later post.)

n umm like ...,,, bck to cici in gen. I guess the safety of earth is one of Cecil's redeeming qualities along with his compassion for side characters like Debbie. His pragmatism and utilitarianism define him. He lacks normal morals but has his own code that cultivates to his character. this ramble could not do justice to him ughfglg..,, what a compelling jezebel.. how can u captivate me so !!

My inbox is always open to discuss this multi-faceted rat man. here's to more cecil content in s2..,... hopefully with more of his dynamic with Debbie because I LIVE for that shit. though its unlikely their interactions could range to anything positive now since they may be hinting to cecil becoming an antagonist and/or taking extreme measures w/ mark. soo.. i dont think debbie's scolding was enough for that slut 2 take in ..

in the mean time i'll be catching up on the comics/re-reading them, look up more of his backstory and hopefully create 10 novels worth of google docs of analysis' of his character < 3 cuz .. he means .. that much 2 me.. and i want to prod at every crevice n brain matter he has inside that megamind head of his .

((hwaghhhhhh << hoping that one day the discord moots ive been keeping in my basement and most invincible fans fall victim to cecil stedman propoganda.. no one should be immune to my girlboss and his awful skullet.))

[thesewordsareallihavetogive]

if y'all have friends in nursing school please check on them. we are Unwell.

[sidesteppostinghours]

pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.

[lambentplume]

any swimmers in chat with suggestions about how to. deal with the sensory issues that occur in between being completely dry and completely wet

[ratbastarddotfuck]

am I wrong? genuinely, I'm asking. would it not come off extremely condescending?

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i need to consume something or my thoughts consume me

[nonsensechemicals]

crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It

[sisterdivinium]

I hadn't sat down to rewatch s2 in a while and now that I'm doing it (for pure entertainment purposes but also for ref for a fic I'm not even working on yet as I have been run down by the VtM doctor superion AU after writing the gen VtM WN AU ahem) I'm kind of amazed at how the feelings are all still there. The excitement, the laughter, the hatred I have for Vincent...

Ah, this show. There is nothing like it.

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[mokeonn]

One of my favorite things about being in my early 20s is that I'm starting to understand that I can use things not for their intended purpose. When you're growing up, you get told what an object is and what its intended purpose is, and as a kid/teen, I just accepted all of it at face value. As a young adult it's finally clicking that I can simply do things a different way if it makes me happier. Sure, I was taught that you stand to take a shower, but there's nothing stopping me from just sitting if I don't feel like it, ya know? I might have always had my medication in the kitchen, but if I'm no longer remembering to take it, I can just move it somewhere where I can remember. You don't have to specifically store all food in the kitchen, you can have a little snack cart or snack station in another room.

The downside to finding out the various ways you can use objects is that you develop habits that would probably go on an r/relationships post where everyone says you're a little freak.

[jamietwat]

This is how easily distracted my writing focus has been in the last twelve hours

[widevibratobitch]

something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.

[cuteniaarts]

Small drawing collection of my latest creation Emran as a teenager/freshly minted Air Acolyte, for my dear partner in unhinged OC shenanigans @katkastrofa, as promised <3